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Writings from the Porch 

April 13, 2017

(Self-Consuming Thoughts) on Humility, Part One

Mikalojus Konstantinas Ciurlionis, “Friendship”
(1907)

The shower is often a powerful think zone for me, just as it is often a no-think zone. Today it was the former. I was tossing around bits of the geopolitical news of the day in my head as I rinsed every soap bubble down the rain (I’m a rinser). A social media comment-worthy idea floated past, which caused a smile (not on my face but in my mind). Then another thought wandered in with a shrug, erasing the urge to share the original thought with the eWorld: “It doesn’t matter what I think; the shitbird flies on.”

The next thought that I heard was, “hey, that’s a cool definition of humility,” to which another voice in my mind replied, “What is? Shitbird?” No, no, no. Why do you always have so much difficulty understanding yourself? (no quotations needed as now it was just a collective thought.) The cool definition of humility is the ‘It doesn’t matter what I think’ part. It doesn’t matter what I think.

The thought then repeated itself with different inflections. It doesn’t matter what I think. It doesn’t matter what I think. It doesn’t matter what I think. It doesn’t matter what I think. It doesn’t matter what I think.

Right. Haven’t I heard, read, said, and written that the only thing that truly matters is love? Yes. So it doesn’t matter what I think. And it only matters what I do if the action is loving. Because love is all that truly matters.

So to say “It doesn’t matter what I think” without self pity or cynicism—just as a matter of awareness that love is all that truly matters—does smell of humility. But can I have written all this down and posted it on the internet in humility?

Damn. I don’t know. I guess some answers just have to wait for the next shower around the bend.