U-TURN

I thought I'd almost reached the point
where I could finally picture your face
without my heart beating out of time

I assumed I could endure our friendly,
innocent get-togethers without feeling
that knife pricking my heart with
uncontrollable longing,
but I knew I was heading down a
one-way street when I gave in and
made the mistake of relaying my feelings
to you, assuming there was a safety net
somewhere in that mess;
beautiful words falling from your lips
that would support me when I fell into
that "L" word,
but your eyes told me I'd taken a
completely wrong turn when it all poured
out like cement,
laid there and stuck,
not moving, only hardening into
an impenetrable road block when I
simply said
"Imagine me in love,"
I said
but as far as you were concerned

I wasn't

I WATCH YOU BREATHE WITH THE WORLD CRUMBLING AROUND ME

Watching you rise and stretch,
I move my hands to touch the warm
spot on the carpet where you had lain,
totally unafraid and unaffected,
paws twitching occasionally in dream

I dig my fingers into the nap,
savoring the sensation, the remains
of your tiny body heat my only patch
of sunlight amidst all this cold, cold gray

BARE WIRE

I awaken on edge,
even before the alarm clock can gut
the core of the four o' clock silence

I feel raw; nerves are gnawed
by the steel-gray jaws of the early a.m.,
and thoughts of the unknown day stretched
ahead

Swallows of coffee merely jumpstart
my sparking nerves;
I dress with trembling hands,
watching the misted dark sky ever so
gradually inch its way into daybreak,
almost as if it were slow and reluctant
to wake

Keys stab their impressions into my palm
as I secure the front door behind me,
having left my reserve and one small light
to burn in the kitchen;
a tiny warmth to greet me on my evening
return

Car engine purrs into life,
and I carefully make my way into the world;
headlights, weak beacons of guidance
in the thick morning fog--
I follow them, steering precariously
towards my destination
and the inevitable break of day

---

Tag: Cynthia Ruth Lewis